My PG 13 Post About Sex

The statement went something like this:

“One of the biggest problems on the rise in our nation today is this: sexually aggressive young women. It is so important that we (as parents) prepare our sons to deal with sexually aggressive young women appropriately.”

I heard a man (who shall remain nameless) discussing this issue on the radio the other day; I agreed with much of what he had to say.

Are young women becoming more and more sexually aggressive?
Sure

Should parents have open conversations with their sons about how to deal with sexually aggressive young women?
Sure

But, at the same time, I couldn’t help but think this man had an awful lot of nerve. Is he a part of the He-Man Women-Haters Club?

While listening to him warn listeners about the dangers of manipulative and seductive girls, I was like…

Does this man not know that (even despite the fact that girls have started pursuing men more than they did in the past) males are STILL more promiscuous than females???

We all know there has always been a double standard in the sex department. Generally speaking, a guy can go have sex with twenty-something women, and it’s no big deal. In fact, this “spread-your-seed” behavior is expected, and often times even encouraged with boys. But if a girl sleeps around, she’s a whore. Period.

Unfortunately, the double standard has been the barrier between women and the notion to be sexually aggressive – not necessarily Christian values. As a whole, women weren’t sexually passive out of respect for God; they were sexually passive because they didn’t want society to call them sluts.

When asked “Why do you think young girls have become so sexually aggressive?” the man responded with something like this:

“They are seeing those behaviors on TV and hearing about those behaviors in music.”


So, in essence, he blamed it on the media.

He did have a point. The media does have a prominent influence on young people. But I was shocked that such an intelligent, open-minded man didn’t even consider the possibility that women may have gotten sick of being sexual victims. Of being taken advantage of sexually. He didn’t even entertain the thought of women being fed up with the sexual double standard in which men ruled mightily for centuries.

Truth: Girls are not partaking in any sexually aggressive behaviors today that guys didn’t partake in long before today. They do, however, develop the urge to get at it earlier (at a younger age than boys).

This was another “reason” the man provided for the rise of female sexual aggression. Girls reach puberty quicker than boys. He said that, when looking at a group of 6th graders, the girls look more “mature” and behave more “maturely” than the boys. And, according to this man, our helpless little boys are easy targets for evil, 6th grade Jezebels (not his choice of words, but it is how I heard it).

The nerve!

Girls have ALWAYS matured faster than boys. It’s not a new phenomenon. Yet, until VERY recently, sexually aggressive young women haven’t caused too much of a ruckus…again, according to this man.

So why does he say maturation is a factor in this “issue?” All his point tells me is that, until now, girls have harnessed their sexual interests and desires and waited for boys to catch up and start doing what they are “supposed” to do – which is pursue girls.

To be so far behind maturity-wise, guys sure are (and always have been) ahead of the game in the sexual statistic department. Which, again, refutes his argument.

Recent Stats:

On average…

Guys lose their virginity at age 16.9
Girls lose their virginity at 17.4

Only 3% of the population WAITS until they are married to have sex.

Of that 3%…

40% are guys
60% are girls

Married men cheat more often than married women…

Pardon my graphic lingo on this one… but MANY more guys masturbate than gals.

The list goes on and on… but I will end on that not-so-PG note.

I just couldn’t help it. I felt slightly offended for female-kind (obviously) throughout the duration of this radio discussion. The whole “boys are sexually victimized by girls” thing makes me laugh quite sarcastically.

Let’s just ignore the “boys will be boys” centuries that have gone by, throughout which men (yes…even Christian men) abused and dominated women sexually without much chastising from ANYONE (except maybe the feminists, who – let’s just face it – aren’t typically Christ followers) and skip straight to blaming young women for doing so on a MUCH smaller scale now that a few of them have gotten the hankering to act on the hormones they are feeling BEFORE boys feel them.

I may sound like a she-woman man-hater, but I assure you that I am not. And, as I said in the very beginning, I agreed with much of what this man said.

Girls need to STOP being so aggressive in the dating game. And that goes for girls of ALL ages.

Boys of all ages need to know how to deal with aggressive girls. For starters, they shouldn’t find the aggression attractive (though we ALL know most of them do, and who can blame them? It takes the pressure of being a strong, confident man off them).


Dear Girls, Ladies and Women of all ages:

Get a grip!

For thousands of years (whether we have gotten the credit we deserve for it or not), we females have been the saints in the sex department. We have been harder to take to bed. Our belts have had fewer notches. We have been more faithful to our spouses. Guys may not have done a great job of showing it, but they have treasured our purity and innocence.

But now… men are calling us out on being sexual aggressors. And despite how much to blame they may be, WE are the only ones who can make the decision to eliminate the grounds on which men have to call us out. WE need to be the sex saints we were meant to be. That we were in the past. Despite any and all peer pressure and/or temptation that may cripple our ability to say “no.” WE must.

1. When guys say it’s HOT for a girl to hit on them, don’t listen. It’s not.

2. When guys tell you dirty, sexual jokes, turn up your nose… & don’t laugh. They aren’t funny.

3. When guys try to touch you in places you shouldn’t be touched by anyone other than your husband, it’s more than okay to say, “Excuse me? That’s not yours.”

4. When guys talk about how sexy the act of two girls kissing is, pray for them. Don’t you dare go kiss a girl out of desperation to earn a guy’s attention.

5. When a guy says, “It’s JUST sex,” politely leave. Because he has a lot of growing in Christ to do before he can/will respect you on that level.

6. When guys fawn over breasts and booties, don’t take that as the cue to purchase a more revealing wardrobe.

And for the love of God, yourself and the world, don’t do/say ANYTHING I just mentioned that a guy could possibly do/say to you.

Because “girls will be girls” is not a saying we want going around about us.

Men should not have the opportunity to say the things that man said about girls on that radio show. As you can see, I took up for “us” as much as I could… but when it comes down to it, WE have allowed it.

Don’t be so concerned about the sexual “double standard.” After all, God doesn’t care about it. On judgment day, He is going to judge us ALL, and men will not be able to say… “But Jesus…ya see…it was okay for guys to…so that’s why I did…” Premarital sex is premarital sex – no matter what gender is the aggressor. No matter who does it.

Abstain. Not because you don’t want to be called a slut. But because you love Jesus; therefore, you will keep His commandments.

In a world full of sexual craziness and confusion, let’s be virtuous girls, ladies and women. Let’s make that man on that radio station take back everything he said about sexually aggressive young women! About how it’s such a HUGE, scary issue! About how the poor, young boys are being taken advantage of. Let’s put all of the sexual blame back in the hands of men… where it belongs.

I love each and every one of you!

Kara Grey <3

P.S. To any of my male followers:

I love you, too! And I can’t wait for you to teach young boys how to be strong, Christian men! The world needs them! I promise I will be just as hard on the young girls ;) So don’t cut them any slack! And, please, don’t give those boys the impression that MEN can ever be victimized by a woman. Because real MEN can’t. And for that, I’m so thankful.

 

There’s No Such Thing as “THE ONE”

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The concept of “the one” has been taken the wrong way for too long, and I’m sick of it! Little girls are trained to start fantasizing about “the one” at a very young age. He’s tall, dark, handsome, funny, rich, talented, romantic, and he drives a red Ferrari.

What’s wrong with that, you ask? Sounds pretty good to me.

Here’s the problem:

Karen’s “the one” is the same as Gretchen’s “the one” is the same as Cady’s “the one” is the same as Regina’s “the one.” (Totally threw a “Mean Girls” reference in there). And as soon as the other three realize they’ll never actually end up with “the one,” they go into poor poor pitiful settle mode and decide there was never such a thing as “the one” to begin with. The failed attempt to put a ring on the finger of Mr. or Mrs. Unrealistic and Generic Expectations births pessimism and bitterness. The faith a person once invested in a vain, egocentric fantasy fades into a shadow of doubt too dark to see past.

And they’ll say…

“There’s no such thing as THE ONE.”

And God’s just up there like…

“It’s not called my PERFECT will for no reason. THE ONE was out there all along. You just didn’t want him.”

Saying there’s no such thing as “the one” is like saying there’s no such thing as “the plan.” And we ALL know that God has a special plan for each of our lives.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

 



An EXPECTED end…

Here’s the deal. In order to fulfill the perfect plan, we must walk in His perfect will.

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.” (Romans 12:2)

 


Perfect (according to Dictionary.com) – exactly fitting the need in a certain situation or for a certain purpose.

Let’s rationalize just a moment. Would you not say that it would be logical to think that – within the perfect will of God – there is a man out there for whom God knows you would be the most beneficial and compatible wife? Call me an overly-optimistic, single chick, but I have a feeling that a life partner would be a pretty important part of God’s perfect will.

I would say maybe I’m wrong, but I’m not.

“God has a calling for you, and you can’t improve it. All you can do is mess it up.”
– John Bevere

Here’s what I DON’T like about NOT believing “the one” is out there:

So-So Decisions

It’s easy to say there’s no “right guy” if you don’t believe there’s a “right choice.” A “right decision.”

But Kara – I believe God has given us all a bunch of doors to walk through, and as long as we believe in Him, all is fine and dandy.

If only it were always that simple.

Ok, Noah. Here are your options: you can build an ark, or erect a very high tree house, or learn to swim really really well. But no matter what you decide to do, Imma be right beside you making sure you’re all happy and smiley. – said God NEVER

God wants us to have the spiritual confidence to make daily (hourly… minutely) decisions that ensure our operation in His perfect will. We receive this confidence by first fearing God. The fear of God then brings forth wisdom (Proverbs 9:10) – which we can cultivate by reading His Word. And though God is always in control of the overall plan, we also have to make the conscious, intentional decision to do what it takes to walk in His will. As stated in Romans 12:2, we must turn away from the world and have set our hearts on The Kingdom. Otherwise, we will NOT be in God’s perfect will, and we will NOT make the perfect choices that lead to the perfect man God intends for us to be with.

Choices should be made as if they are the difference between being in or out of God’s perfect will, because they ARE!

When we say there’s no such thing as “the one,” we are (unintentionally) downplaying the importance of our decisions. We think, “I could pick this one and get by.” Or “I could get with that one and live happily.”

And this is where our thinking is warped!

God’s not calling us to get by. He’s not calling us to decide with whom we believe we could live happily. And He’s not calling us to seek out the walking checklist of a man that the media has shoved in our faces for years and years. He has called each of us to do a very specialized task that will assist in the building of His Kingdom. One appropriate for the gifts He has given us as individuals.

And you better believe He expects us to pray for and diligently prepare ourselves for “the one” who will fit as perfectly as possible into that plan. Because when a man and a woman get married, they become one. His plan becomes yours, and vice versa.

Do not “settle down” with a man whose gifts and callings do not supplement and compliment your gifts and callings just because you’re 25, single and dying to pop out babies! Cough cough…

But what about those who are already married?

Whether you married “the one” or “one of the ones” that would “work,” you’re married, and your spouse is “the one.” Period. Your life isn’t ruined if you didn’t end up with “the one.” Instead (if your heart truly is set on Him) God will create a new perfect will experience from your not-so-perfect decision to marry outside of His perfect will. How do I know? Because all things work toward the good for those who love the Lord (Romans 8:28).

So the question “What if I married someone else’s ‘the one?’” or “What if someone else married mine?” is completely irrelevant because God won’t allow you to lose out on your blessing(s) just because another human made a mistake. He’s much MUCH bigger than that. As long as you’re doing what it takes to walk in His perfect will, He will honor your faithfulness with the blessings that He promised would be found in His perfect will. Period.

Hopeless romantics believe in “the one” because they want to daydream about landing a man that will measure up to the elaborate, fictional suitors in movies and books. And this is why people often snicker when the concept of “the one” is brought up.

I hate to break it to ya, girls. But if your idea of “the one” is Prince Charming riding in on a white horse to save you from eternal loneliness and celibacy when you just so happen to have cooperative hair, a solid tan and polished nails, then you’re out of luck. Unless you live in La La land, you’ll never find “the one.”

But it’s not because he’s not out there. It’s because you don’t truly understand what “the one” means. We must stop basing our desires on what we see; on what others tell us we should want; on our sporadic, hormone-induced, googley-eyed emotions. Because “the one” is so much better than any hunk we could dream up in our carnal mind.

His name isn’t Prince Charming either, BTW. His name is Perfect Will.

Perfect Will is not perfect, but you will find him (he will find you) in the perfect will of God, and he is perfect for you and you alone.

I know there are many people out there who say, “There’s no such thing as the one.” And everyone is entitled to believe whatever they want. After all… the Bible does not say “Thou shalt believe in “the one.”

But I can’t even fathom NOT believing in “the one.” Heck! From now on, take “the one” out and insert “Perfect Will.” And how could we ever deny that Perfect Will exists?

We can’t!

So, to those of you who were looking for a reason to continue believing in “the one” in the face of a world that doesn’t want you to believe in “the one” because it wants you to doubt the existence of God’s perfect will in the 21st century… Here’s your rebuttal!

You’re welcome ;)

Seek God’s perfect will, and He will send you Perfect Will

Be sure to check out my friend Dionna’s blog!

DionnaStanton.Wordpress.Com

I Stayed with My Mom in the Fantasy Suite

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Our mothers go through a lot with us. Take the day you were born, for instance. Painful screams; strange men sticking their hands in strange places; gushing liquids; blood, sweat and tears. It is nearly impossible to think of a scenario that a mother and daughter might experience together that would be more shameful than the birthing experience.

Nearly impossible…

Spring Break – 2008. My mother and I shared a sickeningly awkward moment in a hotel room that deserves to be told for the sake of a good laugh. So… here it goes!

Our flight to Philly was delayed because of a seasonably rare ice storm that had swept through Nashville. By the time we got to our hotel, the hotel people had given our room away to someone else.

“Unfortunately, we have no more vacant rooms,” said the skinny gentleman working the front desk at the Radisson in Valley Forge, Pennsylvania. “Unless… you don’t mind staying in one of our suites. I can give it to you for the same price as the rom you had reserved if you want it. It’s the only one we have left.”

It was a no-brainer. A suite for the same price as a regular room? The blessings had already begun to come our way!

The skinny, front desk man noticed the beaming smiles of pleasant surprise on our faces, then he added quietly, “The room available is one of our themed fantasy suites…”

A fantasy suite? Who’d ever heard of such?

Not us, that’s for sure. So, we had no idea what to expect. But, it was past midnight and we were exhausted. If we wanted any rest at all, we knew we had to take the offer on the fantasy suite.

So we did.

How bad could it be?

The front desk man wasn’t kidding when he said the rooms were themed. The door of each fantasy suite on the fantasy floor (the top floor of the 20-something story hotel) was elaborately decorated to allude to the concept a guest would be immersed by inside.

The first room I saw was a Titanic-themed room with a life-preserver hanging on the front of the metallic door that looked just like one you’d see on a ship. Such as the Titanic.

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“The Cave,” “King of Prussia,” “Caesar’s Palace,” “Pharaoh’s Tomb.” All of these were themes of rooms found on the fantasy floor. And I couldn’t help but wonder what our fantasy suite would be like.

When we arrived at our room, I was puzzled by what was hanging on our door. It looked nothing like the other doors. It was quite simple. No props. No figurines. Just a painted picture of an attractive lady in a hat. But the most curious part about the whole set-up was the title of the room, as it did not seem to match the decoration on the door.

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The theme of our fantasy suite (that my mother and I would be staying in together) was this:

“Leather and Lace.”

By the looks of the picture, we figured the inside of our room was going to be a burlesque-style get-up with lamps made from mannequins and feathers dangling from the curtains.

But we were wrong. Very wrong.

When we opened the door, our jaws dropped in unison at the sight. Mirrors lined the walls and the ceiling. A large, red hot tub was in the middle of our floor. Random tree branches seemed to grow along the top of the hallway leading into the bedroom. And then…we noticed the most disturbing decoration of all.

“Mom, are those what I think they are?”

“Yes, Kara,” my Mom half laughed, half gagged, half cried, “those are shackles.”

On each side of the queen-sized, black bed were prison bars, complete with chains and leather-lined shackles. And, at age 19, I was going to have to sleep between them with my mother.

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If this does not take the “Most Awkward Moment with Mom Award,” I don’t know what does! To this day, nothing has even come close to making me feel more uncomfortable around my mother than that night.

If you’re ever in Philadelphia, and you’re into “that sort of thing,” check out the Radisson in Valley Forge and ask to stay in one of their fantasy suites. You may or may not regret it!

Happy Mother’s Day! May you never experience a moment as awkward as this with your Mom!

The Man Behind the Counter

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Let’s just call him Jerry – the man behind the counter at a high-end musical instrument shop where he has the privilege of handling the most prestigious of acoustic and electric guitars everyday. His desk is surrounded by family portraits and finger-paint masterpieces which his grandchildren have created just for him. Unfortunately, among the impressive instruments mounted on the walls (accompanied by a piece of plywood plastered with autographs from some of the greatest musicians of all time) such precious artifacts tend to be overlooked by the music-crazed customers.

It’s not uncommon for well-known music artists to drop by and carry on an uplifting conversation with Jerry, feeling sorry for the poor soul who was never honored with the “big break.” Surely that’s what he was aiming for over the past fifty years.

And it is even more common for ambitious, starry-eyed amateurs with high hopes of carrying a claim to fame in their pockets to visit Jerry; more often than not, such dreamers are too busy feeling sorry for themselves, going on about all the failed attempts to “make it,” to even see the story being told behind Jerry’s hazy, wise eyes.

There’s so much none of them know about Jerry.

Jerry had a marvelous talent. He could wear the strings out on a guitar, and did on countless occasions. Back in the day, Jerry was the lead guitarist every artist wanted in their band to bring their songs together perfectly. And this was no secret. Especially not to Jerry.

So, like any young fella of his time would have done, he soaked in the praises like a supersized sponge, and they all went straight to his head. Not one party among the greats was thrown that didn’t have Jerry on the list to invite, and he attended such social gatherings religiously. Free meals, free drinks. Yes, even free women were thrown at Jerry every weekend after the bright lights of yet another great show had dimmed, and the crowd had cleared.

In the world’s eyes, Jerry got the “big break.” Jerry “made it.” Who wouldn’t want to be Jerry?

One night, as two voluptuous women occupied each of Jerry’s knees, caressing his photogenic, smooth face (among other things that were never exposed in pictures) the free whiskey and beer began to set in, seeping poison into Jerry’s lonesome soul and shredding his heart to pieces. The free food could not satisfy his hunger; the free drinks failed to quench his thirst; the free women whispering in Jerry’s ear lacked the power to lead him into an empty bed, as their touch was now vacant and cold.

It was that night that dawned a new day for Jerry. Grabbing his coat and guitar from the bar, Jerry walked out on his big break – from the life that so many would die for.

Bearing so much love for music, Jerry knew he could never completely give up his passion. Thus, he became the man behind the counter. When Jerry tells his story to young, aspiring musicians, they never fail to cock their heads in disbelief, a confused expression lingering on their faces. He doesn’t bother to point out the pieces of art displayed around his desk, nor does he ramble on about the faded photos of he and is beautiful wife of thirty years that he feels brighten up the musty store. They wouldn’t see such treasures like he does anyhow.

Jerry is not a soul to pity. Because fortunately for him, Jerry knows what many people don’t. He knows what a real “big break” is. In the world’s eyes, Jerry may not have “made it,” but Jerry, after all he’s been through, knows better. And he can see it all just fine… right there behind the counter.

“If I Can Do it with a Dog, I Can Do it with a Man”

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“If I can do it with a dog, I can do it with a man.”

My 3rd period class broke into a guffaw-fit when I spoke this statement aloud oh so seriously. And I can see why. It does sound pretty funny.

I’m sure you’re wondering what would ever possess a high school English teacher to let such a strange string of words escape her mouth amidst a classroom full of gutter-minded freshmen. Was I just setting myself up for a disaster of inappropriateness?

So it may seem from your end right now… but I assure you – the discussion leading up to my poor choice of words was both content-centered and thoughtful. And it wasn’t a bit raunchy.

My 9B classes are reading Romeo and Juliet, and one of the questions inevitably posed by the storyline of this popular, Shakespearean play never fails to engage my students. It’s an age-old question. One which even the youth of today have strong opinions about. That question is this:

“Is there such a thing as love at first sight?”

When I bring up this topic, there are a handful of students who, against much opposition, say that they believe it could happen…sometimes…by pure luck.

But the majority of those opinionated, teenage hands shoot up high when I ask, “Who believes there is NO SUCH THING?”

“You can’t know you really love someone just by looking at them,” they say.
“You have to get to know the guy first,” say my girls.
“She may be hot, but she could also be a…not-so-nice girl,” say my boys.

And they do have a point, don’t they?

But I love playing devil’s advocate. So this year, I told my students a little story about the first time I ever laid eyes on Scrappy Cornelius Doo Wilson. And this was my story:

I was a freshman in college, and I was seeing a very nice guy named Daniel (which really has no relation to the overall purpose of my story, but my students get a kick out of my telling them about guys I dated in college…just one of my many effective strategies to obtain their interest).

Anyway, Daniel called me one day and told me that a friend of his dropped a puppy off at his place and that I needed to drive over to meet him.

“It’s a Chihuahua mix,” he added, thinking such information would peak my interest.

He knew I loved MOST dogs. But he obviously didn’t know I couldn’t stand one particular breed. Chihuahuas! Yippy, shrimpy, temperamental, ugly, sorry excuses for dogs just didn’t do it for me.

But, for the sake of a good laugh at the sure-to-be pitiful-looking creature, I drove over to Daniel’s.

When I walked in his apartment door, the unexpected happened. I found myself staring into the beady black eyes of the most precious critter I had ever seen. My heart melted, and all the angels in Heaven began to sing a beautiful melody in unison. As the tiny, brown, yippy Chihuahua puppy clumsily ran up to greet me, I just knew he was experiencing the same thing I was for the very first time. And I was, without a doubt, head over heels in love at first sight.

Scrappy is still loved by all of us Wilsons today – almost EXACTLY 6 years later! I knew he was meant to be mine the first day I laid eyes on him, and “physical attraction” obviously had nothing to do with it. There was a divine connection ordained by The Good Lord, and that’s all there was to it. God has a perfect plan for those in His perfect will. And when it’s right, it’s right, no matter how long you’ve known someone… or some dog =)

So, friends, after I finished telling this story to my students, I had to close with the moral… and it just so happened to come out as this:

“If I can do it with a dog, I can do it with a man.”

SHARE if you agree =) Or if you simply thought this was cute!